Eulogy

Eulogy

Well, today wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The needle was smaller than when I had my biopsy and while this may be hard to believe, it made me feel A LOT better knowing the needle was going into 4 areas around my nipple rather than directly into the lymph nodes. Crazy, right? I have to say, it's amazing that only about 5 years ago, surgeons were taking out all of a woman's lymph nodes as a precautionary measure versus what I had done, which was having radioactive dye injected into my breast.

Tomorrow, Dr. Neimark will perform a sentinel lymph node biopsy. The sentinel lymph node is the first lymph node to receive lymphatic drainage from a tumor. It is the first lymph node the cancer is likely to spread to from the tumor. A radioactive substance and/or blue dye was injected near my tumor today. The substance or dye flows through the lymph ducts to the lymph nodes. The first lymph node to receive the substance or dye is removed. A pathologist views the tissue under a microscope to look for cancer cells. If cancer cells are not found, it may not be necessary to remove more lymph nodes. After the sentinel lymph node biopsy, Dr. Neimark will remove perform a mastectomy.

I haven't cried today. I haven't cried this week. I have come to terms with the fact that I'm in denial. I just try to keep telling myself: losing my breasts is a small sacrifice compared to losing my life. I try to keep telling myself that yes, I'll be losing my breasts but hey, I'll get to look super hot with a new set of breasts and a tummy tuck! But right now, it's as if I'm trying to convince someone else of this as I keep telling myself the words. Right now, they mean nothing to me as I'm just numb. I don't feel like talking on the phone as there's really nothing anyone can say to comfort me or make me feel better. I really feel the love and thank everyone for the calls, texts, emails, FB messages, etc. I need all the positive karma I can get tomorrow!

Jason told me tonight he is going to write a eulogy for my breast. So perfectly appropriate.

I don't know when I'll be out of surgery (estimated 5-6 hour surgery), not sure when I'll be released from the hospital (estimated to be on Friday), nor do I know when I'll be up for visitors. Check with my mom and/or Jason regarding visitors. You know me - I will want visitors as soon as possible as you all are VERY welcome distractions!

Oh and I found out today my surgery will be at Memorial Regional Hospital, not Memorial Hospital South. Good thing I verified tonight!