I just came back from the most amazing, life changing, inspirational, and emotional weekend in Chicago. For those who don’t know, when I learned that I would need chemotherapy, radiation, a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, and that I was a candidate for a prophylactic mastectomy of my left breast, I heard about Bright Pink.
Bright Pink’s mission is to reach the 52 million young women in the United States who do not have breast and ovarian cancer, but are at risk of developing these diseases simply because they are women. Bright Pink is working to reach this entire generation of women and educate, empower, and equip them to become PROactive advocates for their breast and ovarian health.
I enrolled in their peer support program shortly after I was diagnosed and was paired with a woman my age. She walked me through what the surgery and recovery would be like. She even texted me a picture of her new “foobs” so I could see that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. She looked fabulous!
This peer support mentor singlehandedly alleviated so much of my anxiety. I devoured the rest of the information on the Bright Pink website, and attended their signature wellness event (FabFest) in April 2012 with one of my best friends, who came with me for support. I was hooked.
Bright Pink has changed my life in that I truly feel that I was meant to educate as many women as I can about being proactive about their breast and ovarian health, so they don’t have to be reactive like I had to be.
Knowledge is power. Bright Pink allowed me to channel my horrific breast cancer battle into motivation to educate the women in my community. During treatment, I was searching for the “why” of this happening. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. I told myself that eventually I would figure out what the “reason” was to help explain the “why.” As I worked to become a Bright Pink Education Ambassador, it occurred to me, this is my reason.
So, back to my weekend. I took a very early flight to Chicago giving me time to explore the city. Friday was a gorgeous day, 80 degrees, and I was able to check in to our gorgeous hotel, drop my bags and head on out to explore the city. I walked almost all of Michigan Ave., and finally made it to the “bean.” (If you haven’t heard about the “bean,” look up Millenium Park and you’ll find it). I was so happy since I missed seeing it the last time I was in Chi-town! Had some deep dish pizza, did some shopping, and then headed back to the hotel. I met my roommate for the weekend and we instantly bonded knowing we were both there for such a powerful reason.
Dinner and meet and greet was at 6 pm at Bright Pink headquarters. This is where all of us met: 23 women, from 12 states, and 18 cities. We all had a chance to introduce ourselves and explain why we got involved with Bright Pink. I was overwhelmed and blown away by some of the stories I heard.
Some had lost mothers or sisters from breast or ovarian cancer. Some learned they were BRCA+ and took control and had prophylactic mastectomies and/or hysterectomies. One woman’s mother was diagnosed at 34 with breast cancer, beat it, and 20 years later, got uterine cancer. One woman’s aunt got breast cancer, beat it, and 3 years later, it returned with a vengeance spreading throughout her body. She’s in hospice now. One woman’s mother was diagnosed at 30 with breast cancer, and passed away at 37 from it. Every woman had a story. It really hit me then that while I feel great, and looking at me, you could never tell I went through hell and back, the reality was that cancer is with me 24-7. It never goes away. It’s there when I have to fill out any sort of medical questionnaire and I have to check the “yes” box when asked about cancer. It’s there when I know I can’t apply for life insurance. It’s always there. I wonder every day if it will come back.
I am lucky that my sister in law is a genetic counselor who has taken a particular interest in cancer genetics, and keeps her eye out for me on the latest research. I wonder every day whether one cancer triggers other cancers, like the woman who was diagnosed with uterine cancer 20 years later. I wonder if insurance will cover a full hysterectomy since I’m not planning on having children. Would I eliminate some of my anxiety and fears if I took control and removed all my female inner parts? Cancer robbed me of my breasts and it forced me to detach from appreciating my body so in my opinion, if I can proactively remove any parts that don’t do me any good, then would my chances of not getting cancer increase? These are the thoughts that run through my head every day. Every day is a new day and every day I appreciate I am alive, but the reality is that cancer is always there. Tammy has been helping me with suggestions like BreastNext, which is a sequencing panel that simultaneously analyzes 18 genes that contribute to increased risk for breast cancer including BRCA1 and BRCA2. Basically, I think it would test whether there’s some genetic pattern that would show if I was prone to any other cancers.
Needless to say, I was exhausted after day 1 of BPU. Day 2 started bright and early and we spent the day learning how to give a Brighten Up presentation. Brighten Up is a 20 minute presentation where I will offer easy to understand information on breast and ovarian cancer signs and symptoms, risk factors and risk reduction strategies, a demonstration of early detection techniques paired with take home materials to guide the process, tools to help calculate personal level of breast and ovarian cancer risk including personal health history forms and our ‘Assess Your Risk’ tool, Five Questions to Ask Your Doctor to guide an informed conversation, and an overview of Bright Pink’s programs and resources. If you are part of a corporation or community organization with more than 50 people whom you think would benefit from this FREE presentation, please let me know!
We had some breaks, including some yoga, and some time to explore the city. It was another gorgeous 80 degree day!
Day 3 was where we continued practicing our presentations and then…we graduated! It was another powerful moment. We sat in a circle and each said what we appreciated and will take from the weekend. There were some tears shed, including mine. For those who don’t know, when I was sick, I told myself I had to put my big girl pants on and be as strong as I could. That meant no breaking down, no crying, and basically just emotionally shutting down. I kept telling myself it was the only way I would beat cancer. I’m happy to say it worked but in the process, I haven’t quite let go or been able to emotionally release all the feelings and fear associated with what I went through. I finally was able to release with these women. It was like a much needed group therapy session. I can’t even begin to tell all of you how amazing it was to sit in a room with these very powerful women and just feel how much of a difference, collectively, we were all going to make. As I said before, knowledge is power, and it was just such an emotional moment for me. It’s been a long, long time since I cried over cancer and it felt really good. As most of you know, I share anything and everything about myself and going through this wild cancer ride has been no different, but what has been different is how I communicate my feelings. I have learned that I don’t like to talk about my personal and emotional moments too much so for those of you whom I haven’t returned calls or called, that’s why. It’s an inner journey I channel better through this blog than through phone calls.
My good friend Wendi ran the Chicago marathon late last year and as part of the prize package she won running for Team Bright Pink, she won a stay at the Sheraton Chicago Hotel & Towers. She gave me the voucher and so I stayed an extra night in Chicago on Sunday night to decompress from the weekend. She surprised me by calling the manager and she got me upgraded to club level and had chocolate covered strawberries (my fave!) delivered to my room! It meant the world to me to know she was thinking about me after such a rough weekend.
I decided to treat myself to dinner at RPM Italian, which is Bill and Giuliana Rancic’s restaurant not too far away from my hotel, except when you get caught in a cold, wet rainstorm! There was something so cathartic, though, about walking alone to and from the restaurant in the cold, pouring rain at night. It was worth it all because it was probably the best pasta I’ve ever eaten!
Despite a few mechanical issues on my flight back causing some delays, I made it home safely in time to quickly shower and head on over to the family Passover gathering. Oh and did I mention it went from 80 degrees on Saturday to snow on Monday? Glad I left when I did!
Tonight was the first night I got to sit and digest everything, blog about it, and just work on acceptance. Now that things have returned to normal (in oh so many ways), I’m ready to hit the ground running!
Beautiful darling!
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