This is the week where it all begins!

I’ll start with the best news of all recapping last week: Jason and I successfully froze 2 embryos and 2 eggs. 4 chances to have a baby are pretty good odds if you ask me! :-)

I’m overall disgusted with IVF Florida. More to come on that if I have time at a later date and time, but for now, I’ll focus on positive energy.

Some other updates before I share my thoughts –
(1) I met with a radiation oncologist (Dr. Sundararaman) last week who advised me that I will need radiation. That means 6 more weeks (every day, Monday-Friday) of radiation therapy after I’m done with surgery and which could limit my reconstruction options.

(2) I met with a breast reconstruction surgeon (Dr. Weiser) this morning to see what my reconstruction options were after finding out I needed radiation. More on that later.

(3) I have re-set my port insertion surgery for tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. Nothing like waiting for the absolute last minute!  Chemo starts bright and early Wednesday morning…

I was very lucky to have friends and family use their connections and allow me to speak to a surgeon and oncologist at Baptist, and a radiation oncologist in New York on short notice when I needed them most. Since I’m “lucky” enough to fall into the “gray area” of my disease, I have been advised by numerous doctors that I can choose to either have surgery first or chemotherapy first. Folks, this ain’t an easy decision by any means. No pressure or anything! I will admit that the pressure finally got to me last Thursday and I broke down. This was on the eve of my port insertion surgery which WAS scheduled (note the WAS scheduled part) for Friday morning. I postponed the surgery because I took the advice of the doctors who suggested I (1) be confident and comfortable with my decision and (2) that I speak to a few oncologists, surgeons, etc. for a second, third opinion.

So…this morning I met with my oncologist, Dr. Patel, to follow through and talk it out that I’m making the right decision. Hearing her support helped out A LOT….and then I went to Dr. Weiser (the breast reconstructive surgeon). Just when I was finally happy that I had made a decision that I was comfortable with (I am proceeding with my original plan of chemotherapy, then surgery…and then the added bonus of radiation), the breast reconstruction surgeon gave me another of those “either way is not the WRONG way….” options where the burden falls only on me.

Basically, he doesn’t feel that I am a candidate for implants (radiation isn’t so good for expanders which you need before the actual implants), but that I’m an excellent candidate for the TRAM-FLAP surgery (remember the tummy tuck?). This is the surgery where they take skin and fat from another part of my body and use it to create breasts. He said it should go well for me and while all of this was somewhat of a blur, I recall him saying that to counteract the effect of “shrinkage” in radiation (yes, peeps, my right breast could shrink from the radiation after surgery), he will most likely make my right breast a bit bigger with an adjustment down the road if needed.

I also got devastating news that I have to adjust my expectations that my new breasts will never match. If you recall from earlier blogs, that’s what I originally wanted and what I had always said was most important to me. I will also get a nice 12-inch scar from the “tummy tuck” around the same place where a woman would have a caesarean section scar. Real sexy. Fortunately, I guess, I’m so overwhelmed and so busy, I don’t have time to cry over this…yet.

So here’s where my big decision came – I fall into the category that I should be ok and come out looking the same if I remove 1 breast or remove both for the double mastectomy. So the big decision is whether I CHOOSE to remove the left breast for preventative measures (and risk more problems during surgery) or just remove the right one. VERY tough choice and fortunately, I’ve got the time to get second and third opinions about this to help me decide what I want.

According to Dr. Weiser, here’s my timeline: If all goes well for chemo, I finish around January 18th, which means I will have the surgery around mid-late February. If I have the TRAM-FLAP, it will be a 12-13 hour surgery (yup, digest that) and I will then be in the ICU for 4-5 days. I then get to have drain tubes for a week (gross!) and 8-12 weeks until I am at 100% recovery. I *should* be able to return to work within a few weeks, but I won’t be able to work as many hours.

A month after surgery, I would get radiation. Then for 3, 6, or 9 months (depending how my body does after radiation), nothing happens. When the doc clears me, I then get to get nipples added on and nipple color tattooed on a month later to make them look as real as possible.

If I wasn’t struggling before with being self-conscious about my body, this doesn’t help. My body will never be the same.

I will end this with some positive shout-outs:

I had 2 people recommend I speak to a survivor who got diagnosed at the same age as me (34). While she used Aventura Hospital, she also had chemo first then surgery. We’ve been communicating via email and she has been a god-send in so many ways. She went to NMB high school like me (Go Chargers!) and has the same attitude as me. Robyn, I can’t wait to meet you tomorrow.

Thank you, Sara, for painting Nechama. She now looks so much more real and has a much more calming presence for me. She wears my wig very well.

Thank you, Donna, for helping me out. I won’t say for what because it’s a surprise but some of you will see what she helped me with very soon!! ;-)

Scott, much love and many thanks for the kick-ass photo shoot. I cannot wait to review the pictures and knowing how my body will change in such a short period of time, I am so grateful I have memories of who and what I used to be. I will do my best to post some of them on this site, the G-rated ones of course!

Thank you Brandon for taking us boating, which as you all know, is my therapy. I don’t know, with a wig, how much I’ll be able to boat the next few months so this made me one happy camper. I was with good people which made for good times.

I know there’s many more to thank for all of your help and support so a thank you to all of you. Shout out to my fatso: